2:48 PM

Mirrors

I truly believe that one of the reasons having children can make you have a better life is that they can help you to be a better person.  Children have this undeniable way of reflecting yourself right back at you.  They can show us ourselves in ways that make us proud, when the very best parts and lessons we have imparted onto them appear we glow and gloat.  When it is our own flaws we see rearing their ugly heads, almost nothing can be worse, or harder to handle.  After all if we as mature adults have not managed to correct this perceived character flaw in the past 30 something years what hope do we have to steering our kids away from the very same problem?
The first step is in identifying the issue.  This can be harder than it sounds.  Often it is our spouses who can see the mirror image hard headed alpha females circling each other in a debate that goes nowhere while you and your daughter are just both flummoxed at each other’s wrongness.  So when you come to realize that you are in this pattern you can now try to break the cycle.
My flaw is a deep rooted hatred for my glasses and complete lack of confidence in myself when I am wearing them.  It is ridiculous that I feel this way, its source comes from be being bullied in my early teens because of my glasses.  The lasting effects are still so strong today that I will not leave the house without my contacts, I do not have any photos of me wearing glasses any more, and those that did exist from that time period were destroyed by me in my late teens.  It is so bad that for reasons beyond my control when I wear my glasses my entire personality, posture and outlook on life revert to that of the shy bullied girl.  I stop making eye contact and mumble.  It is the strangest phenomena and I wish it didn't happen… still.  The easy solution in the past was to wear my contacts all the time.  The problem is Elora just got her first pair of glasses.  She loves them and she wants me to wear mine too so we can “be the same”.  She even picked out a colour and frame to look exactly like me.  She is doing great with them; the issue is I don’t want her to pick up on my silly glasses phobia.
I have to shake this, pronto!  So far I have done well masking it but she is so perceptive I worry she will pick up on it soon.  I love her glasses and seriously you could put a bag on her head and she would still be the most adorable child ever.  The glasses seem to only accentuate her bubbly personality and facial expressions.   I hate to admit though that I miss seeing her face without glasses on.  How ridiculous and shameful is that.  I just feel like I can’t see her eyes as clearly, it seems like there is not as much eye contact between us and she just looks about 4 years older, like she aged overnight!

I think given some more time (it’s only been two days so far) I will see this as the new normal.  I have identified my flaw so I can take this challenge head on and overcome this silliness for her AND for myself too.  It’s about time I left this in the past and preserving and building up her self-image is all the motivation I need to tackle this once and for all.

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