3:33 PM

Fathers

Well Father's day came and went and I did not post.  I was busy with the family, and with a pulled muscle in my neck that had me nearly immobile for the better part of the weekend.

I have been thinking about this post for many months though and I did want to get it out, even if it is late.

I have had the pleasure of getting to know some really incredible dads recently.  These are the fathers of my kid's friends.  It just so happens that they are adoptive fathers, these dads I have in mind.  They are not perfect, their wives can attest to that, but they have a common quality to them that I think is rare in daddies.  They are open.  They are open to compromise, adventure, fun, trying, failing, feeling and risk.

If I had a dime for every woman who ever told me that they would love to choose adoption, that they feel drawn to adopt but their husband "would never", well rich I would be.  I know this is common, so common that the adoption forums have created an acronym for such partners.  RH they are referred to = Reluctant Husband.  There are many posts and conversations where wives search the internet for tips on how to convert RH to DH.  Success stories, and divorce stories as well as every thing in between.

It has always made me wonder why women are the catalysis for so many adoptions.  Beyond the fact that they are often the instigators of family starting in general, I often wondered why lineage is often so much more important to husbands?  It would seem that the woman's experience of pregnancy vs. adoption is way more altered, her partner's role remains relatively the same.  In addition men never have 100% certainty of their paternity, as seen played out on the Maury Show day after day.  So you would think that once a man is committed to starting a family, how that family arrives would not be overly important to him.  Yet, I know that reaction is rarely the first one a woman gets from her husband when she proposes adoption.  I still wonder why.

I think this is why I see this openness in adoptive fathers and why I think adoptive fathers are some of the very best men on this planet.  Clearly though I am biased because my kids do have the MOST amazing dad. Before I give him some mad props though I just want to send out a virtual father's day card to all the adoptive dads out there.  You ROCK!  You may feel under appreciated or unnoticed in this adoption world that is so steeped in women.  But I see you, unsung heroes, silently supporting her, and them.  Knowing your kids special needs inside and out, loving tiny hands and deep dark eyes that were once those of a stranger, now your child.  I see the pride in your eyes, the bounce in your step, how easy your smile now comes.  I see.  You know it, you value it, your fatherhood is precious to you.  You can talk attachment theories along with the best of them, you have been in the trenches and you are a daddy warrior!  We could not have done it with out you.  Happy Father's Day!

To the father of my children:
Thank you a million times over.  For your calm assurance, your steadiness on the roller coaster ride of the past few years.  You recently admitted to me that that last week in China was one of the scariest of your entire life.  Look at us now baby!!!  We are in such a happy and amazing place, our family give us both so much joy. Thank you for being to our children every thing that I can not be.  For explaining molecular fusion to our 3 year old.  For doing the best voices at story time.  For remaining calm in times of crisis.  For your smile.  Thank you for doing the dishes and keeping the house clean too. I love you so much more now that you are a father of two!
This is what amazing looks like to me:


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