5:39 PM

We have been busy regressing...

Did you miss me??  Haha.  Well I have been keeping up with all of you but we have been on the down low a bit because little Miss E had a 2 week long regression.  I didn't know what to say about it.  She would not sleep, she was banging, She was battling me, she had moments of spitting out every thing I gave her, that was oddest of all.  I was screaming, she was testing, her language regressed, I was pulling my hair out.  I still do not know what that was all about but it tested us both.  It was incredibly frustrating to see my happy well adjusted, obedient, smart, daughter turn into this hot mess.  Honestly, I only had about one ounce of sympathy for her, because I KNEW full well she was capable of so much better.  I knew all along that no patience was not ideal but I had trouble summoning any thing but a consistent firm lead back to the normal we were all missing.  I waffled and I wondered, grief or terrible twos?
On the other side now I can say that I think it was a big ol' case of the terrible twos.  She was trying to assert her independence.  Unlike with my son though there was always a big question mark hanging over each temper tantrum.  Parenting her is different that way (more on that to come soon).  I parent firmly, I don't budge on rules much, good behaviour and manners are first and foremost lessons that we focus on.  There were times when I thought about giving an inch last week but I just know this girl's personality would have resulted in her taking a mile.  I did try to balance out our hourly disagreements with cuddles, kisses, and nursing her, and she resisted.  Regardless the week took a toll on us both and she disengaged from me and would not reciprocate the affection.
Slowly over a few days as her behaviour improved I found ways to praise her in an over the top way and now after 3 days of solid gold behaviour she is finally loving on me again.  BIG SIGH of RELIEF.  This is tricky.  Learning each other plus the language barrier between us it can all add up to some stormy seas.  I know bad times are part of every experience, but I want to learn how to bring us through them faster and with a little more grace.  She and I are both very stubborn, we will have a delicate dance as warring alpha females for the rest of our days :)  Elora is in good company though she comes from a long line of alpha women, you would think that would make me understand her better, but unfortunately when I the stubborn alpha gets challenged I just digs in my heals.  It's only in the aftermath that I can see baby girl was only being just like me.  My oh my.  She is a blessing.  Her father had the ability to make me grow into a better person, and now she will mould me too.  That is one thing I never knew about parenting, how much your children would improve you.

3 comments:

Tara said...

Oh wow...as much as you scare me with this regression stuff...I'm also awfully glad to know you so that when we (possibly) go through this - I will have a resource!!! Is this common for adopted children to regress this majorly??? At least now, if we are to go through this I will not think I am losing my mind! Thank you for being so candid and honest! I truly appreciate your candor!

Sylvia said...

Hey Tara, I don't know how much the regression thing happens, but I think it is pretty common to have set backs. Even at the start for us it was always two steps forward one back. We were just on cruise control for a few months so this one took me by surprise. It lasted so long too, and that is what had me questioning my self. I think I need to remember, but maybe all moms need to remember, that we just do the best we can and try to learn so we can do better next time. Part of it is that she is two, but I have only known her for a few short months. Two is hard when you had all 24 months with them! So this is just a bit tricky.

Anonymous said...

It's hard. As you said there's this constant question mark hanging over everything - is it adoption or just old fashioned temper? It really brings home the old adage about hind sight being 20/20.

Karen