10:40 PM

I'll answer the question you didn't want to ask

I love them exactly the same.

Emery - 3 months home

The first I grew, the second I did not, but my love for my kids is identical.  In my first I see my husband looking back at me, with my second she is a bit of a mystery, but one thing is the same, the love.  One has been with me from the first spark.  We mourn that we missed the first 18 months for our other. 

Elora - 3 months home
I am not a love at first sight kinda mom.  I did not have that movie moment in the delivery room where the mom wells with tears as she is swept with all encompassing love. I didn't get it when I first saw Elora's photo. I did not get the youtube moment in all the adoption videos where the mom is awash with emotion. I guess it can happen, but not for me. It did come, that sweeping love.  For what ever reason it just does not happen for me instantly.  It took about the same amount of time for me with both kids.  Some time between the first and third month, it can sneak up on you, so I can't pin point an exact moment or tipping point.  I didn't love one faster than the other.  In every way I love them the same.

However...
I parent them very differently. Mainly because they could not be more different.  One is quiet, sensitive, thoughtful, delicate and dainty.  The other one is Elora, a fearless tornado.  The only thing they have in common is that they are both very happy children with easy smiles.  I never really had to set boundaries with Emery.  You simply told him the rules and he followed.  He was heart broken if he made a mistake and scolding him would send him into sobs of sorrow.  To say he is an easy kid is an understatement.  He practically raises himself.  His love of rules and structure also lend him to be an amazing big brother to a baby tornado.  He is the worlds best tattle tale and I have come to rely on him as my secret weapon, almost as good as actually having eyes in the back of my head.
I do sit back and ponder how these diffrences will be interpreted by them in future.  Will Elora be convinced I love her less because I raise my voice with her more?  Will Emery be convinced that he was the one less loved because I spent all my energy on taming his sister?

Right now I think all is well and both kids feel loved and special.  Right now I am home with them 24 hours a day every day.  What does the future hold when I have to toss work into the mix?  When the terrible twos hit or as some say the worst is really three, in which case I still have to get each of them through that stage. 

One day, Emery and Elora, if you are reading this, please know, there is no difference in my love for you.  You have both taught me so much about love and I would have only been half of the person I am today if it were not for the both of you.  I love you each in the way you need me.  It may appear different but it my heart it was always the same.

2 comments:

French Marianne said...

Amazing post on such a touchy but also, after all simple subject if we look through the scope of love.

Thanks so much for sharing. B&W photos are just wonderful (and your children also, of course).

Marianne from France, mum to one and only ladybug born in China back in 2004, with us since 2005.

maplewalnutmama said...

Beautiful - the pictures, the words and the sentiment!