1:57 PM

Rough day

Okay warning I am emotional today and I am sick and full of cold pills. But still the real me would not let those previous mentioned items interfier with a normal day. But the thing is I am not my normal self right now.

First I thought I was crazy because I have been waking up in the middle of the night because I "hear" a baby crying. Not my son's cry because I know that one, it's a different cry. I wake up, I feel sad, I miss baby girl and then I go back to sleep.

We had sent another care package on Christmas day and we were very disappointed to hear back that we would not be getting any updates or photos because it was "too soon". I was counting on new photos to get me through January. Any ways today we did get some answers to some of the questions we asked. I had asked if Elora was doing any thing new since we sent the last package. They told me that she is now calling for Mama.


Yep. That is the sound of my heart breaking.

I am a mess today. I try to tell myself what good news this is that she is learning and developing. We sent her an album with all our photos in it to help her prepare for the big day, maybe she is even thinking of our faces when she asks for Mama, maybe it means we will not be such a shock to her when we see her for the first time. Maybe she is just trying out new sounds and it means nothing.

Or maybe my baby needs me half a world away and I feel it and she feels it and there is nothing I can do.

Since I read that email I have not gone a single hour with out crying. I am hopping this just needs to get out of my system and that tomorrow I can wait with a tiny amount of patience again.

Mommy hears you. Mommy's coming.

5 comments:

Jessica said...

Oh Sylvia, I am so sorry, those are hard days, the mountains are great and the valleys so suck. Hugs my friend. It is great she is saying Ma Ma :)

Bonnie, Jim and Ainsley said...

I am sorry. Some days just stink. I am tired of the wait too so just cry it out. How cool that she is saying Mama though!!!! Sending hugs!

Catherine said...

Such hard days for sure when all you want is to hold your daughter close, soothe her cries, meet her needs...and feel her heart beat in time with yours.

Praying for you and Elora and you wait to meet one another. This part is so hard! Praying you're able to travel soon!

maplewalnutmama said...

Hi Sylvia,
I am new to your blog - not exactly sure how I found you but it was somewhere in the blogosphere!
My family is on a similar path - we are finishing up our dossier for the China Waiting Children's Program with Sunrise.
Just thought I would say hello and send out some wishes for continued strength through your journey! Hope you are feeling better soon & even more importantly hope you are travelling soon!

Sylvia said...

Thanks every one for your support. Still not feeling that great. I need a pick me up desperately, still waiting on TA and new updates or photos. Planning to start working on the nursery soon, hoping this will cheer me.