4:19 PM

I just miss my girl

I miss my girl. The excitement is wearing off and the wait has sunk down on me hard. I am 17,715 km away from her. No problem, according to google maps it suggests that I simply "Kayak across the Pacific Ocean" for a mere 4436 km. No really, no joke. Google predicts that if I drive to California with my kayak in hand I will reach baby girl in 37 days and 18 hours. So that hardly gets me there any faster, plus there is the whole risk of sharks and pirates. Sigh. Back to waiting.
Another impact on my mood is that we found Elora's finding ad online. I want other mom's to know that it is indeed possible, difficult, but possible to find it on your own. Not every one gets lucky with this but I am very grateful to the mamas on the journey ahead of me who coached me though it. We are keeping the details private. But I will say that I was not prepared for the sadness I experienced in seeing her finding ad. A real deep hurt filled my heart and I hurt for her. The glossy glow of match day got a wake up call. As exciting as this is for me, it's not at all for her. Again something I have always known, but now I am starting to truly get it.
I have also been bombarded with stupid comments/questions from people at work. I get it, we are odd, we are adopting, we don't "need" to, we chose China, we chose special needs, she has a special need that is visible and that many people don't understand. I know I have a life time of dealing with people who have no filter. I get that because we are visibly odd to you, you think we should have that fact called to our attention. I am handling it okay in the moment, but after I just get so sad that baby girl will have to deal with this EVERY day of her life, just simply because people are mean/ignorant/rude. I don't really like people as a whole, I have a very low tolerance for rudeness, and I have no tolerance for rudeness to my babies. I totally get why some parents move to a city where they are not the only trans-racial family on the block, because how can I let baby girl ever have one day like the one I had today. I know I need to go through this to learn how to teach her how to cope. But as a mother you just wish you could shield your kids from every thing. I just want to yell at every one: come on let her be, hasn't she suffered enough already, can't you just let her belong here. Please just welcome her, with out question, just welcome her.

2 comments:

Tas (Theresa) Self said...

It is very difficult. The wait is agonizing and the comments well they are what they are. Hang in there you may find that you become the teacher willingly or not LOL.

Ruby Claire said...

Tas, thanks for your valuable comment.





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