1:52 PM

Dear China

I am about to start writing my Dear China, also known as the Letter of Request to Adopt, that is such a great name for this letter, but for the ease of this post it will hence forth be referred to as the Dear China letter.
This letter is harder then it should be. Well it is just hard for me. The letter is NOT a form letter, according to the instructions. Although helpful AP's have made templates if you google it. Apparently there are some key words that the officials are looking to see, but beyond that it is pretty much just a formality.

The whole problem that led us here really starts many decades ago, when I was first given a journal. I have documented my life via journals both paper and digi since I learned to write. You see I fancy myself some what of a writer. A writer with no ambition, structure or audience, but you know, a passionate writer none the less. I have always thought that my journals might turn into a book one day, or even better yet a broadway musical. And since I am just that ego centric, to think that any one would watch a musical about me, I also have assigned songs to stages of my life, to aid the future screenwriter of my life. I do also think about costumes and sets while I sing the songs, and go about my daily life envisioning it if it were on stage.

Ya I am weird. So. We all have our thing. Mine is that I wish I lived in a musical, and that it were really possible for me and the strangers on the street to break into song and choreographed dance together on a daily basis. Since that seems unlikely, I focus on "Sylvia, the musical" instead. One more confession; I think it would actually be called "Love Always, Sylvia". You see for continuity I have always singed my journal entry at the end with Love Always, Sylvia, so it would be a fitting title.

That brings us to the difficulty I am having with my Dear China letter. I am having trouble keeping it nice, neat and straight forward. I want to pepper it with prose, song lyrics, antidotes and wittily placed emoticons. I am having a serious case of writers block, and not because I have nothing to say, but rather way too much to say.

Have any of you noticed that when you become a parent sappy love songs have new meaning to you. I sing love songs to my son all the time. One that recently became "our song" was that crappy Kai$ha song "your love is my drug", it is a horrible song, but we both love to sing it. I made a little play list for baby and me of all my love songs to him, we sing them together at night before bed. Elora has her own play list that I am adding to every day as well.

Okay I am getting off topic. I just hoped that getting my sillies out over here would lead me to the perfectly formed, proffessional yet heart felt Dear China letter that still lies unwritten.

Dear China, -DRAFT-

What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control
Think about it, feel it in my bones
What rushes into my heart and my skull, I can’t control

I feel you in my bones
You’re knocking on my windows
You’re slow to letting me go
And I know this feeling oh, so
This feeling in my bones
You are here to stay

-Tegan and Sarah

I have wanted to love one of your daughters since I was a child my self. Some girls want to grow up to be doctors or singers or writers, but I have only ever consistently wanted to be one thing. That one thing is to be the mother of children who need mothering. So, as Tegan said it best, I feel you in my bones. It is like this dream has grown to be a part of me. It is like you are my bones, supporting every thing I do, every choice I make, all in aim of bringing a daughter home from China some day.

This dream influenced my choice in my husband. If you were not okay with adopting from China, that was a deal breaker. This turned out to be a good indicator to the quality of a man, if on a first date the man was prepared to commit to caring for a child not of his own flesh, you could really count on the essence of his character, and on how well he would care for me as well. Yes I did bring this up on the first date. No I was not that good at dating.

I have so many things I could offer to your daughter. Some of them are god given talents of mine but the more important ones are the things that I heard she might need from me some day, so I have spent these past years making sure I had those things to give her. Things like patience, Chinese home cooking, spatterings of Mandarin, the ability to be wrong - with grace, good listening skills and a dab of child psychology.

I promise to let her be any thing she wants to be. I promise to bring her home to you as regularly as finances allow, and at least monthly we will visit China town. Since I'm addicted to coconut buns and bubble tea, we are there any ways, but my waist line may not allow us to make more frequent visits then monthly. I promise to keep adding to my skills, daily making my self into the mother she needs.

I understand your loss, I won't assume to know how you feel, but I understand that this is a loss for your country. I know I am gaining from your misfortunes and although I am powerless to right that injustice at this time, I vow to always be your ally. A banisher of misinformation and a champion of change.

My Dear China, we will now forever be linked. I am honoured to join my family with you.

Love Always,

Sigh..... Back to the drawing board, and reality.