10:07 AM

Uhgg... November

I hate November. It is like a dentist waiting room to me, something you just can't wait to get over and done with but has the strange ability to warp time to snail speed. I can tell you that June's 30 days never slow down one tenth of the speed that Novemeber's do. February is also a hated month, but at least it has the common decency to have only 28 days and we get some nice holidays in there as well.
I LoVE love love Halloween, and we had a great weekend of dressing up and fun times with friends. It is my favorite holiday, but admittedly it can also feel like a farewell party for the great seasons of spring, summer and fall... Leaving us undeniably in the onslaught of winter.

We had our last home study visit this past weekend as well and now we have to wait until the end of November to move onward to the next step of getting approved by our province.
I have had a lot of though fragments about our adoption recently, but nothing that in of it's self seemed worthy of it's own post. But here they are in no particular order:

I was wondering what it will be like to parent a daughter. With my son when he was new and we were bonding I remember feeling like a kid with a new boy you have a crush on. I always wanted to be touching him, when he looked at me I beamed, I could not stop talking about him, every thing he did was magical. All these months later he is still my little sweet heart who I am crushing on and I feel "off" when we have not had enough snuggle time. I guess since all of these feelings remind me of innocent love, falling in love, I wonder if it could feel the same for a mother and daughter. I guess that might be why we have Mama's boys and Daddy's girls. I was also wondering how it will feel if my little girl does not want to be snuggled. That will be so hard for me I imagine, and also so special when the day comes that she feels ready for all my lovin'.

I was thinking about how to explain the arrival of a sister to a non verbal child, when, how... When??? How???

I am also noticing that I am doing a very good job at gaurding my heart this time. I don't talk about our adoption with any level of certainty. Although I still read a lot and prepare, I did take a small break from even that. And now that we have some level of uncertainty regarding what special need she will have I don't day dream like I used to. I think that is mostly because I can not envision her in my mind's eye.

Mostly I just want time to fly by, well winter at least. I am stagnant and I hate it, I really am looking forward to being able to start to check some of that list of acronyms (DTC, LID, LOA, PA, TA, CA) off the list. I guess in the mean time I will just try to remember what they all stand for and if Canadians even have to do them all.

Hey guys it's referral day, the second best (bloggy) day of the month (after matching day). Check out all the cutie pies! I am day dreaming about the day our little blog will be listed and we can share our joy with the world. Until then it is all about reading another's joy and becoming infected by it :)


Kelli said...

I think we need to post a list of the "A's" somewhere in the house- with a little celebration for each one! :)