5:20 PM

Homestudy is in my hands

We are in the home stretch of this first big step, but I feel other worldly. The rush is gone.

Literally, we have no deadlines to meet any longer, so all that remains in this step is checking off some more boxes. But I think the rush of the chase, paper chase that is, has also worn off. I am in a zen state, that has not even a tinge of irrational urgency. How very odd...

I think I may have used up all that type of energy on the Thailand process, where there were ticking time lines galore and each day late could mean a month longer in the end, tiny mistakes extrapolated into unknown and unfair delays. There were quotas and limits. With China now, I know there are more children then waiting parents. There is no sense of competition, the needs we have selected are not in a high demand. Our little girl just needs to be born, the wheel of fate just needs to be put into motion, its like we wait and as soon as she appears we will be matched. This process in of it's self feels much more right, calm, assured and peaceful.

I am reading so many blogs right now, I can not seem to get enough of them, and I see the joyous frenzy and the frustrated frenzy. I know that frenzy lays ahead of me, but not now, not till the match. Then, then I will need some sort of retraining device to keep me firmly stuck in the rules and the process, because I can not imagine having the state of mind to be able to check boxes at that point.

Signing off from bliss bubble,

p.s. I got to read my homestudy before it heads out to the government for approval and I will say that after all of that talking and paperwork the final product is a pretty glossed over version of all the deep (sometimes trick) questions. If I could sum up the whole homestudy process I would have to say the bark is worse then the bite.