9:33 AM

What if this was my girl?

Baby girl in China abandoned on the street... because she is BLONDE

By Daily Mail Reporter
Last updated at 5:46 PM on 23rd November 2010

A mother abandoned her newborn baby on the street in China - because the little girl was blonde.

The white-haired Chinese baby was discovered by a passer-by on a street corner in Nanning, Guangxi Province.

The woman who found the child heard a cry and made the shocking discovery.

Enlarge The little girl was found on the street in Nanning, Guangxi  Province with a note and some baby clothes

The little girl was found on the street in Nanning, Guangxi Province with a note and some baby clothes

'I was walking to work and heard cries from a wrapped-up quilt in the corner' she said.

'By opening it I found a baby crying very sadly.'

Police found a bag of baby clothes besides the quilt and an envelope containing 3,900 Yuan, about £390.

On the envelope the mother had written: 'I hope warm-hearted people can help to send the baby to the orphanage house. Wish you all the best.

'My dear baby I am an irresponsible mother and an incapable mother. I am sorry.'

Police suspect but have not confirmed that the mother dumped her child because of the baby's white hair.

Police suspect the mother may have dumped her child because of the  baby's white hair

Police suspect the mother may have dumped her child because of the baby's white hair

She may have been given up because she was a girl or because her mother could not afford the fine for keeping her.

Most Chinese families are allowed only one child to reduce the 1.3 billion-plus population and cut unsustainable demand on resources.

Many children, mostly girls, are abandoned because of the policy.

The policy also leads to an estimated 13 million abortions every year, with many of those ordered by local authorities. Infanticide is also widespread in many rural areas.

Those who violate the one child law can be fined up to £25,000.

Nanning, Guangxi Province in south central China

Nanning, Guangxi Province in south central China

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1332341/Baby-girl-China-abandoned-street--BLONDE.html#ixzz16D7cAHqv

I found this article in the Daily Mail, and it has really stayed with me. There seems to be so much missing from this story, and yet still the words the mother left for her child are words that are seldom heard. The comments left by Joe Public regarding this article were also telling of how little understanding there is regarding China, adoption and relinquishment and this article does very little to help educate. I wonder why this made the news in a UK newspaper, why this baby as apposed to the thousands of others?
Regardless of the quality of it, I am thankful for this article. I hope that it lands in the hands of this child's future adoptive parents, what a treasure for them to have these photos and words, to see the concern of the world, every one wanting to care for her, populations united wishing for changes in the reasons for why this moment came to be.
This has left me also wondering, what if this was my girl? How do you explain her mother's assumed reason for relinquishment? I, as a mother, have to believe that the children with Albinism are abandoned because the mothers fear the condition is too medically complex for them to afford/manage. Here in the west many people wrongly believe that albinism = mental retardation, deafness and blindness, so it is not hard to believe that these children are loved but are placed in orphanages with the hope that medical care will be provided and that the child will be better off. I have to believe that, because I can't believe that any mother would abandon her child simply because of a prejudice or superstition.
But I could be wrong. China is a different culture who's people have generations of thinking that is contrary to my beliefs. It is wrong of me to assume that my concept of maternal love is the global standard. I am reading a book right now about Korea in the 30's and a line in the book really got me thinking. The father in the book makes a special effort to ignore his children and to be sure to remind them what pests they are to him because he loves them and wants them to grow up with modesty. He struggles (yet prevails) in fighting his affections towards his children for the greater good of not "spoiling" them.
As an adult who is seeking out this information, who is trying to learn and expand my mind, this is very interesting and I can put my self in this parents shoes. But how would I ever help my child to equate this type of parenting with love, when she has only been exposed to my form love.
I hope that she can one day see past how the western world judges China's mothers and find her mothers perspective and her mother's love for her.

5:20 PM

Homestudy is in my hands

We are in the home stretch of this first big step, but I feel other worldly. The rush is gone.

Literally, we have no deadlines to meet any longer, so all that remains in this step is checking off some more boxes. But I think the rush of the chase, paper chase that is, has also worn off. I am in a zen state, that has not even a tinge of irrational urgency. How very odd...

I think I may have used up all that type of energy on the Thailand process, where there were ticking time lines galore and each day late could mean a month longer in the end, tiny mistakes extrapolated into unknown and unfair delays. There were quotas and limits. With China now, I know there are more children then waiting parents. There is no sense of competition, the needs we have selected are not in a high demand. Our little girl just needs to be born, the wheel of fate just needs to be put into motion, its like we wait and as soon as she appears we will be matched. This process in of it's self feels much more right, calm, assured and peaceful.

I am reading so many blogs right now, I can not seem to get enough of them, and I see the joyous frenzy and the frustrated frenzy. I know that frenzy lays ahead of me, but not now, not till the match. Then, then I will need some sort of retraining device to keep me firmly stuck in the rules and the process, because I can not imagine having the state of mind to be able to check boxes at that point.

Signing off from bliss bubble,

p.s. I got to read my homestudy before it heads out to the government for approval and I will say that after all of that talking and paperwork the final product is a pretty glossed over version of all the deep (sometimes trick) questions. If I could sum up the whole homestudy process I would have to say the bark is worse then the bite.

9:01 AM

Links I Love

It’s National ADOPTION Month, not National ADOPTEE Month. If it were National ADOPTEE Month things would be way different.

If it were National Adoptee Month..

There wouldn’t be any of those sickening adoption fairs where they parade those poor kids around like a bunch puppies.

There would be access to original birth certificates for all adoptees.

There wouldn’t be people prattling on about showing their love for Jesus by adopting children.

There would be a mission to acknowledge the loss this causes for the adoptee.

There would be no mass adoption finalizations gaveled in courtrooms packed with “new families” all over the county.

There would be a waiving of fees for adoptee access to court records concerning their adoption.

There wouldn’t awareness campaigns touting how adoption can make an adult’s life complete.

There would be an awareness campaign bringing the fact that many adoptees need answers to make their lives complete.

There would be no propaganda about saving a child’s life.

There would be access to medical records that really could save an adoptee’s life.

But most of all, it would be about the ADOPTEE, not ADOPTION.

Copied (with love) from:

10:07 AM

Uhgg... November

I hate November. It is like a dentist waiting room to me, something you just can't wait to get over and done with but has the strange ability to warp time to snail speed. I can tell you that June's 30 days never slow down one tenth of the speed that Novemeber's do. February is also a hated month, but at least it has the common decency to have only 28 days and we get some nice holidays in there as well.
I LoVE love love Halloween, and we had a great weekend of dressing up and fun times with friends. It is my favorite holiday, but admittedly it can also feel like a farewell party for the great seasons of spring, summer and fall... Leaving us undeniably in the onslaught of winter.

We had our last home study visit this past weekend as well and now we have to wait until the end of November to move onward to the next step of getting approved by our province.
I have had a lot of though fragments about our adoption recently, but nothing that in of it's self seemed worthy of it's own post. But here they are in no particular order:

I was wondering what it will be like to parent a daughter. With my son when he was new and we were bonding I remember feeling like a kid with a new boy you have a crush on. I always wanted to be touching him, when he looked at me I beamed, I could not stop talking about him, every thing he did was magical. All these months later he is still my little sweet heart who I am crushing on and I feel "off" when we have not had enough snuggle time. I guess since all of these feelings remind me of innocent love, falling in love, I wonder if it could feel the same for a mother and daughter. I guess that might be why we have Mama's boys and Daddy's girls. I was also wondering how it will feel if my little girl does not want to be snuggled. That will be so hard for me I imagine, and also so special when the day comes that she feels ready for all my lovin'.

I was thinking about how to explain the arrival of a sister to a non verbal child, when, how... When??? How???

I am also noticing that I am doing a very good job at gaurding my heart this time. I don't talk about our adoption with any level of certainty. Although I still read a lot and prepare, I did take a small break from even that. And now that we have some level of uncertainty regarding what special need she will have I don't day dream like I used to. I think that is mostly because I can not envision her in my mind's eye.

Mostly I just want time to fly by, well winter at least. I am stagnant and I hate it, I really am looking forward to being able to start to check some of that list of acronyms (DTC, LID, LOA, PA, TA, CA) off the list. I guess in the mean time I will just try to remember what they all stand for and if Canadians even have to do them all.

Hey guys it's referral day, the second best (bloggy) day of the month (after matching day). Check out all the cutie pies! I am day dreaming about the day our little blog will be listed and we can share our joy with the world. Until then it is all about reading another's joy and becoming infected by it :)