10:33 AM

there she is

This is my favourite photo I took while we were vacationing in China. There is Mao, and there is this little girl and her kite... and... there is me who is taking the photo. In that moment I remember I was day dreaming of Elora fiercely. This little girl and her kite her innocence juxtaposed against the square that has been bathed in the blood of the innocent. Her white sandals on the very stones, this photo just screams hope, to me.
This is where we were always meant to be, in China. It is where the dream of Elora began, and it is where it will become a reality. I worry about China, it's policies and their impact on the future of it's citizens. I worried so much, and I wanted so much for Elora to have a way in the future to know her first parents, and China makes that so near impossible. I thought that if we adopted from China, that would mean that I think what is happening there is okay, because in a way I will be profiting from their policies, and I would become a part of a cycle that needs to end, but I will not be helping to bring the end. So I forced my dream to morph to embrace Thailand for everything that China was not. But here we are again, come full circle, back to China. I can not yet say that I am glad that we took this detour on our adoption route, there is still too much pain associated with it. But I am glad for the lessons I have learned, the stories I have heard (and shared), and the friends and insights I have gained along the way.

So Elora is in China, now we just need to find the strength and the money to go and find her.

Oh ya, I guess I forgot to mention that: My husband is 1/4 Chinese (hence the Chinese surname we all have), that we have travelled in China, researched it, celebrate it (happy moon festival every one!), are learning mandarin (thanks Kai Lan). None of these things have to do with our desire to adopt, it just so happens though it makes adopting from China the obvious choice. Well obvious to any one but me :)


Kerrie (and Jason) said...

Glad to read you have made a decision. China is clearly the country you feel closest to for lots of reasons. There will be a few little mountains to climb on the way but if your heart and soul and mind know its the right path, you will get there.