11:33 AM

Not showing but still glowing

I am so excited about my daughter, I can not wait to meet her. Unlike my pregnancy that really could not be over soon enough and left me sick and cranky, I feel like I finally understand what it means when a woman is expecting and glowing. I am happy to be just glowing secure in the knowledge of what is to come, so happy my daughter is on her way.
I think of her daily when I see a frilly dress in the clearance rack, when Emery, who is about the age she will be when we meet, hits a new milestone. I wonder will she do this first with me? Will I get to witness this particular growth in one or both of my children? I also wanted to mention that if it is only once that I get to parent a brand spankin' new baby, that is fine by me, I treasured all the joys and challenges of the newborn stage knowing that they would be my only ones. Being an admitted control freak, it is harder to know that I will have no control over the first months. I will have to work on that, as there is 0% room for control freaks in an adoption journey, especially an international one.
Sometimes I wake up sort of dreaming of her, I think I hear her crying for me. It is so silly since she is only particles in space at this point in time, but I will record those times on this blog any ways just in case they end up corresponding to special days in the life she has before she gets home.
I think all the time about all the things that are so great about being a preferential adopter, I make little lists in my head; no more maternity clothes, no more nursing pads, great adventure and so the list builds and grows and I just... glow. I am really enjoying this stage because I know the hard times lie ahead, as the wait piles up, year after year, I may not see every thing with such rosy coloured glasses as I plough through the bureaucracy required to hold her in my arms.
For now I am one happy mama dreaming of sugar and spice and every thing nice.